another one from the confused lot

the goan experience

2008-06-15T00:09:00.000-07:00

so..
paying 10000 bucks to bits pilani for letting me practice schooling once more was the sad choice i had to make for these summers. though i usually do not have a very jaundiced view of life but still the activites this summer didnot go as always planned, there were no lying around times the most integral part of the summer holidays. as the rest of the bits entourage reached with some unexpected zeal and rather unnerving enthu like they were goin to tour the hell out of goa( which they of course did) . after 2 months they all left the beach paradise and i left the morbid humid goa.
goa wasnt all bad to me, the nicer parts though came in flashes( like the trailors in the movie, but it is the movie u pay to watch, not the trailors) .
my goa stay as i remember :
- missed the champions league . was a blessing in disguise though because man u won
- the hostel 'ass'istant ( the goan version of a pilani chowkie, who by the way was the first of the many to come obstreperous creature in my way. with an uneven growth of eyebrows -in an ugly way- was a tiny fellow with a barbarian's attitude which faded away in front of the mongolians from pilani).
- one of the nicer thing about goa , ppl love football. great football field!! i realised that as i was settling in. after a quick swapping of rooms with a person called goonjan mall or 'maal' ( who was raped by the insensitve and indignant pilani boys in the common room-- prior to every ball the crowd went roaring " MALL CHAKKA" "MALL CHAKKA"),.
-goa is a place full of smiling cab drivers. maybe the laugh at the fact that they get to overcharge us like crazy. 'lijjo' the man who drove us to the first day, a master of his trade, with a radiant smile, he pushed, pulled and stacked 14 of us in a sumo and said ' Ok guys, i dont have a license, i am carrying 7 more than i am allowed to but dont worry' and he smiled again. wt we didnt know was that this packing and stacking against each other was goin to be a routine for us.
-the banana ride brought in the wow factor. so did the temporary tatoo.
-the beaches - mostly overcrowded. the typical indian crowd showed up every day. the beaches which god meant to be trodden by the beach babes was being molested by ugly , beer bellies who probably thought tht jockeys were a valid swim wear.
-the buses were small. the front size was as large as a sumo and had a height of 6 feets. the sign at the front read 27 sitting, 11 standing. the count usually went upto 27 sitting, 27 standing. no one standing in the aisle held the metal bar above- for one you couldnt and secondly there could be no movement what so ever because the humans were so exquisitely placed by mr. conductor as if they were dummies. the posteriors touched (inevitably and sometimes deliberately).
- the 20 second rains were frequent. they came crashing down at angles more than 60 degree.
-goa is a haven for drunkards. every other shop is a bar. the maria maria songs were seldom heard. i guess, for once bollywood painted the right picture.
-goa- expensive, non- posh( you wont find the regular complexes and multiplexes and etc) , hilly, small for a state, poor local people.
-hitch hiking--> very common.
-goa offers beef... o o my god! crabs were good to. the local food sucks though, with everything cooked in a cocunut base.

P.S.-i would have written sthing about the atrocities i under went at my summer training but supposedly the dean is readin our blogs and is already upset with a few ppl. so it is all hush-hush.

haitus

2008-05-19T09:46:00.000-07:00

once i went to Dalhousie...

away

2008-05-14T11:33:00.001-07:00

i m away .....
away from all the A's and B's . away from all the ave's. away from the mind numbing, spirit crushing games played by people to demolish your self confidence just to get a moment's upper edge. the life where u dont know wt u r fighting for . the consequences of a victory or a loss can never be estimated but u must fight coz everyone else is fighting too.
away from all the hopelessly pathetic system of evaluating a student in which he or she is molested every fifth 8 am (on an average) . with a whopping 75 tests per semester students in bits pilani are gearing up for mass suicides. by the way , i dont see the point in this shitty common base for everyone theory of bits. i had to do some awesomingly boring and rather non useful courses in these 2 years. may be i ll the use later. MAYBE.
all i get is a 6 day break before i head towards another bits. this time the goa campus for another stupid course. the 1st internship where i m supposed to be exposed to the organizational culture of a company , like i didnt get enough dose from POM.
bear with me if i sound churlish... i have had a rough sem...

encounters on a monday morning

2008-01-21T06:19:00.000-08:00

well this blog canbe very well be named as "ghotu's day out" or "how to stop living & become a ghotu". but i think its too early to confer upon myself the title of a ghotu as its just been 2 weeks of gruelling classes which i have assidously attended. 2 weeks of venting all the frustration on a badminton shuttle. 2 weeks of plain tardiness which has so ostensibly crept into the body. 2 weeks of no philosophical chinwags. 2 weeks of no cinematic relief from the gnawing peer pressure. 2 weeks of no whining except on the fact that after about 2 years for the first time it seems that 24 hours are way too less to fit in all the lucubration that we want to do. so after a relatively calm sunday comes a monday, my monday.
in order to free myself from the sluggish slumber in the subzero temperatures of pilani, i always place my alarm clock and my cell at a distant range from where their tocsins can irritate me till i have had enough. finally i wipe off my face from the excessive drooling and my subconscious dreams which though weird, are strangely very relevant and profoundly related to my myriad daily activities. the success or failure in the belligerent act of putting aside the warm the blanket will decide the prospect of my day.as i step outside in the cold and dark verandah where the chilly winds slap me on the face, it is precisely at that moment that it strikes me, the day has begun.
BANG, BANG , KNOCK, KNOCK. the mumbles come from the other sides. i know they are not up yet. so BANG, BANG, KNOCK,KNOCK. now comes a much more +ve response. in 10 minutes all are outside, jogging our way to sac. after 1/2, 1 or 2 hours at the badminton court and gym depending on the time constraints, i hurriedly rush to my room.
i am one of the few ones who have the luxury of owning 2 buckets. when many other face the abulia of whether or not to go for a bath, i dont. 2 buckets means a lot of hot water, though fetching it from the back tap ushers into my mind the thought that i am living in a pre-medieval era. as i get ready i smile at myself for having packed my bag last night before going to bed like the most diligent and obedient school boy. last time i did that was when i was in 4th grade. Ah! those were simpler days. waiting for the school bus with mom making it so much easier. Damn You - self discipline..
heading for the mess i realize i have got exactly 10 minutes which i will have to judiciously divide so that i can have a nice breakfast. should i go for the boiled egg? should i go for the omlette? should i go for a regular dark coffee or tea? should i try the pongal thing tht seems to be working the southies. damn, i need more time for this. after having wasted 2 precious minutes standing in line, watching others pass away with their prized possessions of a half fried or a full fried, i decide that its high time for a policy change. so i go from back and ask for a boiled egg . now the guy who controls the egg department is as usual singing his marwadi folk songs. i have to wait for his song to end as it is almost impossible to decode his wrinkly expressions. after about 30 seconds, he says no boiled egg left. to top it all his song wasnt tht good either. tht pongal thing looked pretty much like the diet for a diseased fellow with a weak bowel. so i go for the emergency bread and butter solution. there is no bread left. only crumbs are left after the umpteenth thorough investigation by other fellows in which they look and hold every single bread piece in their hands which drives me nuts. i head for the kitchen to get hold of some fresh ones. the cooks arent their. after a minute one of them comes in and gives us some bread. i rush back to the refrigerators for some butter. its locked. that mess manager is one of those guys who are never there when u need there and always there yammering stories about the hills of uttaranchal when u dont have any business with the. after a similar jam situation i sit down peacefully to swallow whatever i could accumulate. infront of me sits daga, dipping a butter piece in his milk and chewing it plain. what surprised wasnt his choice of combination but the question that how did he get one of those butter pieces.
after all this i head for my morning classes. so much for knowledge.

busy choosing life

2008-01-15T10:51:00.000-08:00

Trainspotting

John Hodge

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family.
Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars,
compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good
health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed
interest mortage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your
friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a
three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics.
Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning.
Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing
game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose
rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable
home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up
brats you spawned to replace yourself.

Choose your future.

Choose life.

halfway between the gutters and the stars

2008-01-02T12:33:00.000-08:00

It was another day in jas' 9 to 6 life. He was smiling but he could feel the pang, that it was fading, his smile was fading. Day after day, his heart was sinking. sharing the 3-hk flat in mohali with two other guys who worked in the same mnc, he had started wondering when was the last time he had been unpredictable. When was the last time he had done something out of the way. He feared being normal and dreaded becoming something else. He was aging,already 30, unmarried. His parents had been pursuing him for years now but he just wasn't ready to take the plunge and indulge in any more mundane activities than he found himself already drowned in.
Sitting there in the lounge of his office, he was smiling in a conversation with a team mate but his mind was in fetters, his thoughts confined to the thoughts of the dreams he had once envisioned. Choices that he wanted to make but didn't or rather didn't have the opportunity to make any. He missed his college, missed his friends, missed the late night philosophical conversations but most of all he missed the dreams he had seen during those years, which were the essence of his college life for him. He never wished to live the new age indian dream. Be useful to some one and the life's debt is paid. You make some one's future and your past is forgotten. Thats what he believed. But life had its own set of groundrules.
A financial crisis in his father's company shelved his entrepreneurial plans. A software company hired him and he bailed his family out of the crisis at the cost of his meticulously crafted dreams. The sudden turn of events did not offer him much of a scope to pay off his debts to the society. He was once again stuck with his usual lonely moments, the ones he had been running away from. The moments which only brought gloom along with the effacing blows on his self esteem. It was in these moments that he realised that he always was a failure. He had never been on the top. In his childhood, never the topper. In his competition days, never the success. In his college days, neither the nerd nor the dude. But he was the master of his dreams and he seeked solace through them. He thought that he could be the one who changed the destiny of a few if not many poors and that would have been enough for him. Life though had other plans. "hye jas, your phone's ringing!!where are you?"
"hello, about time that one of us called. huh?. how are you?" it was aneesh, a friend of jas' since college. They hadnt talked for about an year now, ever since aneesh had opened the first branch of his venture. Aneesh had followed the road that jas too wanted to trod and aneesh knew it and he also knew about his will to serve. Thats why he had called. 'I need a favour from you. i want you to help some one. i know that you will want to help this guy out too.' thats all he said and passed on a Chandigarh address. The discussion sparked an anticipation in him. Jas took the local bus to sector 34 the next day. Asking for directions he came closer to his destination. Amidst the rants of vegetable sellers, he asked for a mr. ravi. "Yes?"A middle aged man extended his neck and inquired. His face wrinkles defied his swift moments and the panache in his sharp voice with which he was directing a twenty something guy to control the shop as he was getting ready to leave for somewhere. Jas quickly told him about his reference. With a large lump in his throat, ravi began his side of the story. On the way to the pgi hospital, ravi told him how about half an year ago it had begun with his son fainting at school. How he started complaining about incessesant pains, only to later revealed to be as a kidney failure. They were not comfortably middle class and with the child's condition, they found themselves in a tight spot. After a wait of 3 months , he had been able to gather enough for the kid's operation. Surrounded in debts, he had to sell his larger shop. "His medicines cost us 19000 every month, i have asked each one of my acquaintances, some of them dont even pick my phone any more.With 4 months of medications to go, god bless that kid". Jas understood the gravity of his situation. He could feel the honesty in his tone. Jas promised to help with whatever he could.
2 months and 3 cheques later jas was light headed that he had been able to help some one. The money was not much but enough to pull them through a couple of months. A look in his bank statements swept his thoughts into a whirlpool. The cheques had never been encashed. He confirmed and began wondering about the possible reasons. That evening after work he straight went to ravi's shop only to find it closed. He did not have his home address so he moved towards the next shop. As he uttered the name ravi, the man frowned. With raised eyebrows and a sigh, he told jas that the shop was sold last month by ravi's wife who now worked as a housemaid nearby. " Why? where is ravi now?" . "Ravi died. a bus left his head spluttered all over the road". Jas took their address and left without any word. He was numb enough to say or feel anything. "hye man, your phone is ringing",the person sitting next to him on the bus said. It was his mom, "so when are you going to have a family?"
"i have one now, mom", jas said and switched it off with a faint smile and a twinkle in his eyes, ready for the journey that he always wanted to make.

crappy new year

2007-12-30T03:57:00.001-08:00

one wise man said carpe diem == seize the day. a wiser man said carpe scrotum== to heck with the day. another crappy year comes to an end. maybe my saddest so far. i m left with many unanswered questions.
how many of the ppl will actually have a happy new year? and how many of those billions of wishes flying out thick and fast these days have true feelings behind them? just another formality for the new age urban man? r we losing our identity? when the not so cool "natkhat nikhil" (whom i m dying to tell that the kool radio jockey thing isnt really working for him or for any of his partners like bubbly barkha or love ki peer deep,,, wt crap) on a hip fm radio tells me to make the last sunday of the year hot n happening, i really feel sorry for the identity of our society which we bargained for some more commercialization.
when will i get a latest hollywood release in english in my town?? so that i dont have to painfully watch the posters of i am legend renamed as MAIN ZINDA HUN. that doesnt even make sense. the magic of dailogues is ruthlessly massacred during the translation. another artistic renaming is KHATARNAAK LOG ==x men. the terrorizing scene in jurassic park where a dinosaur chases the jeep was amazingly translated to "BHAAGO BHAAGO, BADI CHIPKALI HAMARE PICHE HAI. BHAAGO". in bruce almighty jennifer aniston asks if her boobs got any bigger, that is translated to " DEKHO KYA MERI KAMAR PATLI HOYI HAI KYA? DEKHO NA?" . i am guessin what will they name the devil wears prada -" CHUDAIL NE PEHNE SUNDAR KAPDE" .maybe. god bless this country.
when will pakistan get a day free from bombardment?? when will federer win a french open?? when will modi lose?? when will i get financial freedom?? when will anu malik learn music?? when will cloning process be made public??when will sensex crash??when will the nostril of himesh open up??when will some1 watch the much anitcipated ongc i league?? when will vhp stop burning things??when will the broadband speeds in india match with those in japan??when will google stop being the coolest thing around??when will i stop worrying about the number of profile views i get??when will the 40% indians below poverty line have a happy new year??

babel

2007-12-25T06:57:00.000-08:00

so its been 10 good days. 10 days of food that reassures the faith that my taste buds r still working. 10 more days, thats all i have.been watchin a lot of tv. probably one of the most interesting things to do-watching indian tv. it again brings out the many double standards that we as a nation follow. hypocrites, i guess.
indian tv is a cacophony, a babel with plenty of money involved though.
talent shows rule the roost. u can dance alone, dance with a partner, sing alone or sing with partner; the choices are huge. bappi lahri's double chin appears almost every other second as i flip the channels. the man is on ever damn channel, holding his headphones with both hands as if they will fall down any moment. some one tell him that with that giant a face between them, they r never coming down. the man is enjoyin himself. judging people and getting paid for that. awesome. but he is tolerable, much better than watching anu malik plagiarise in real life too-- trying to be a mean desi simon cowell.
saas bahus r planning strategies n war games as usual. their dialogues leave me bamboozled.wt seems to be a normal missing document situation is misconstrued by them to be a deadly "chaal" by the opponent bahu or jethani or devrani or mausi or wtever. they talk about shatranj and manipulations. i say get them on the five year planning commission and let them make the strategies. the award deserving background music along with the wavering camera (which comes from the left, then right, then bottom, then top on the same person who is giving us another one of his/her run of the mill expression with disappointingly finical accuracy) was enough to leave me wondering y god y??. y and simply how can some1 watch this horrendous waste of talent. must say that they are the being typical stereotypes. they give every show n every concept the same shitty feel. come on guys, even bollywood is trying these days.
star world rocks. star network made a smart move by separating cricket from their other 2 sports channels. with dish at home i have now about 6 english movie channels but jst not enough time at my disposal. anyways, its always good to know that u can even if u dont.

gunnerz rolling on

2007-12-17T06:29:00.000-08:00

1 teekha paneer makhni medium size.
yes . make it a pan pizza. and 1 pepsi.
picture perfect.
well y isnt everyday jst like this? i ask myself as i watch man u beat liverpool and wait for the arsenal vs chelsea match to start. sitting on my bed. with some mouth watering pizza at my dispense, waiting for my side to thrash a good opponent. life doesnt get any better does it?
van persie came on in the 60th minute inplace of eboue who hurt himself after endless duels with terry who might have broken his metatarsal bone. but who cares for terry. van persie was back with his unconventional left footers which were missing from arsenal for a while now. but gunners snatched the game from chelsea who were without drogba and now without terry but aye who said football is fair. the scoreline should hav been 3-1 but what mattered were the 3 points.

aaarrghh

2007-12-13T07:09:00.000-08:00

the word "av" (for those who dont know the not so kool bitsian lingo) means avearge. now this word av has become such an integral part of our lives. when u say the word av u waste about 500 calories. now about 3000 bitsians said this unfortunate word atleast 10 times a day for the whole of last month. now thts 1.5 crore calories wasted. hmm. sometimes in our day to day discussions someone unconsciously says the temperature is below av today. at tht moment we all snap back to reality and notice how deep the rabbits hole is . i want out. i want a change. i want to go into the warmth of my home. i need a change.
as i finish shantaram on my way home i m remember this little composition which is now my favorite--
" how happy is the blameless vessel's lot,
the world forgetting by the world forgot.
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,
each prayer accepted and each wish resigned." -i dont know by whom?
aint tht jst beautiful.

Final nail in the coffin

2007-12-11T11:54:00.000-08:00

the seemingly good semester comes to a tragic end with the faculty of electrical sciences and mathematics chopping my wings of happyness. Along with the compre papers they handed over ten tonnes of depressing thoughts. while some of us were busy estimating the average of each paper, others were planning our demolition. and i must say they did a thorough job as they wrecked my dream of dragging my gpa above 8. all said and done, we get wt we deserve, no more no less but sometimes it pains more to know that u were so close to achieving something.
lost. another battle lost. funnily thats what i have been doing for quite some time now, moving from one failure to another.
amid another special chai session i remembered pheobe saying in season 3 - life is going to throw all kinds of crap at you. hopefully u ll learn from it and grow up. so i tried to downplay the tension and rather joke about it. but the stress bells kept ringing in my head. another clue that i m not in a soap. i m leading a normal life where you gotta cope up with anything and everything.
so i decided to let my frustration out on the es answer sheet which i must say has recieved a third degree torture from me n shoaib, others not obliging the cause as they still have some faith left in god and in the sanctity of a book or copy and the knowledge it provides. wt crap. maybe this will piss off the god some more. wtever. anyways as the shreds of the half burnt & ripped answer sheet fly around in my room, i get the feeling that something isnt right with me. the problem with my efficiency has bothered me since i was in bansal which of course led to a more futile failure. but this is just another phase. hopefully. hopefully things will get better. but i certainly need a lot more luck. otherwise i ll be stuck with my walkman and my disturbing thoughts. so god if u r anywhere up there, someone needs a little push.

all the world s a stage

2007-11-20T02:51:00.000-08:00

it is high time i decided on my favorite movie. most of my cinematically illiterate wingies n other friends (not that i m any tarantino with years of viewing experience) watch the hopeless indian cinema so ardently that it has penetrated so deep in their neurons that they find it hard to try something new and they have been giving the same reason since biblical times tht bollywood movies can be watched jst for fun, the fun part of course seems to elude me everytime i try to sit through the epic dramas.
deciding a single movie as a favorite one is an impossible thing for me. so i have one for each category. the departed the all time thriller champ. scorsese at his best. the pace goes undetected and so does the as usual effortless acting from jack nicholson . and the stupid audience is left scratching the heads at the end when dignum turns out to be just another rat. the departed was a remake of a chinese movie but a classics example of how every scene canbe recreated and still be so new or rather captivating, not like any other sohail khan movie in which every scene is made by the cut-copy-paste process.
pursuit of happyness claims the top spot in your rags to riches or distress to glee category. the bond potrayed by the smith junior and smith senior makes me cry every time i watch it. chris gardener says to his son-dont ever let anybody tell u that u cannot do something. if u gotta dream u gotto protect it.period. simply awesome!!
robert de niro makes taxi driver mesmerizing. the best acting u can ever get. the scene where he looks in the mirror and says - u talking to me? thts the upper cut for every actor. no one can even come close to tht. i want to write sthing about pulp fiction but my words cant even glorify tarantino's efforts.
happy movie watching!!

choose or lose

2007-11-19T06:40:00.000-08:00

sadness grips you by surprise. a simple phone call or just another memory can upset anyone in great amount. one moment you are busy in your mundane activities and the next moment you are deep down your favorite hell hole. then starts the emerging from the grief stage. psychologists say grief/sadness can be divided into five stages . first one is getting isolated and secluded from others. this one is my favorite. on some angry thought you can hold the whole universe as responsible. lyrics of every random slow song sound so perfect and just meant for that sad moment. the rants of the wingies seem so hollow and pointless. i avoid the 'gen' discussions which run late into nights and where we have been talking about the same topics for over an year now. every one is familiar around here. there is actually no sense of unpredictability. thats one disappointing factor of knowing some ppl inside out. u can sense their tones, read their minds, tell what kind of not so uncanny humor is gonna result in the sheer time wasting discussions. nothing learned, nothing gained, no valuable inter cultural, inter religious enriching thoughts exchanged. thats just a sad typical bitsian day point of view.
on any other day when you manage not to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, all those flaneur wingies of yours turn into the ppl with whom you have had the most fun with. but the point is what should we choose?
happy, no tension lives where maybe you dont learn nything but have a good time. maybe i m being too negative. there might be a changing outlook towards life but tht comes with every experience of life. one plus point about this lifestyle is tht u never run out of activity partners which for me is a necessity. i dont know y but i think it is a heriditary thing, my bro also being a victim of it. i need a partner for every meal, i need some one to grace the occasion when i devour the combo of a fruit chat, a samosa and a special chai. maybe i m not a loner. but every partner comes at a cost. u have to be alert for any walking noises in the wing during the prime times and of course one has to swallow gaalis if the future partner is reluctantly sleeping.
as u can see this post has already reached the same depths of boredom as my monotonous life.
so as i drown my wasteful life in the colors of black humor i wish i make the right choice and hope i do it some time soon.
----if u want to listen to an asshole just fart.

stupified

2007-10-05T15:46:00.000-07:00

day-t20 final..humidity-98%
temperature increasing with everyone perspiring and a record number of swearing in the audi. every1 forgets abt the monotonous test schedule and all hell breaks lose in audi. 4000 ppl screamin on a 8mm thick screen. hmm. not a pleasant site for n.v.m. or his brethren or for any silent guy for that sake. it was my first such experience. must admit that i had a rather nice time. though i blatantly hate the cricket hoopla but how can u decline the chance to scream and scream some more and help yourself to a breezer from the frustration of the uneventful life. let me help u to a quick glance at some of the uneventful events.
scriptus got through the first round of epsilon. i hope to work hard on this 1 and see it through this time. test series 1 finally ended after seemingly endless nite outs. now the dreadful results will turn out and turn our peaceful minds into battlefields of emotions. here s a typical conversation with any 1 at the redhi or anc. (--) r thoughts.
self-abey e.s. ke marks mile??
supposedly friend-hmm.
self-kitne?
supposedly friend-40.(tht would be av+ many).
self-phoda be (shit man. how the hell can u get tht much when i studied the same as u).
supposedly friend-tere?
self-30
supposedly friend-good yaar.(haha- eat shit !!! i got more than you.)
self-your A is fixed man! (screw u . i bet u ll make a B.)
and this doesnt jst happen with me. every1 is trying hard to be the nice guy, the modest guy. but u can always see that tiny twinkle in the eye if the guy has the upper edge in the game.
same is the condition on the nite before exam. every1 s tries hard to praise every1 else. hoping tht some 1 will fall in the trap and step up on the cloud of pride and hav a grand humpty dumpty fall.
if u observe closely u can actually watch the false hopes, feel the pride being shattered and then rebuilt, the hatred surrounding you. then u realize tht every second person isnt as cool, fun loving,easy to go with guy as his orkut profile says.
but still thts wt we say.life s cool..

daily measurement techniques

2007-08-14T09:23:00.000-07:00

so the new semester started rather boringly or should i say disappointingly with all my fury wrecking the ammeter, then a rheostat and then another gargantuan device with which 1 is is supposed to see the miraculous rings which mr. newton dicovered on another one of his casual random mornings. i struggle to get up by 10 so tht i can relish those free 3 marks of cp-2 which i know will be the tie-breakers between b and c (yeah a's r mission impossible for me). but no!! my necessary 7 hrs turns into a sweet siesta. this might jst work as a pantomime for me in the future.i wake up at 2 40 pm rush towards 3143 or is it 3243 . where is it. where is it. fd's r still pretty much a labyrinth for me. where i hav to look up again n again on for signs.
i enter into the cursed laboratory with the lab assistants giving me a cold but indifferent glance and i wonder whether even a metallica performance rt there rt then would b enough to inject some bloody passion and remove their drudgery. i join my team which is raring to perform the nxt expt. their excitement was comparable to tht of columbus who had got funding for his indian expedition. i was as usual pondering over the thought tht these expts would b of no use wt so ever in my future life . i take one of their lab reports and hurriedly draw the graphs with utter imperfection. our mam turns up and starts picking the endless anomalies in my report. "how many kind of emissions r there"she asks sotto voce. i mumble nothings and pratik comes to my rescue. ironically he gets 18 while i get 19. i keep on nodding to everything she says though i m not even listening coz i m plugged in.
on my return journey i have the usual samchat and masala shikanji. by the way redhiwala hugged me when i came back to pilani. i felt pretty much like his distant relative . afterall i was one of his favorite grahaks. then comes the latest passion in my life-hockey. i persuaded the nigger to join me in my mission to at least make into the bunch of extras. our ruthless staminas are soon exposed but we keep on trying. after dinner its sitcom time. there s some missing h wing. but its covered up by trying to make anuj (my sidie) understand the rafoo mentality which he (being a moneybags) will need to adjust between us typical dirty yellow fellas. he gives his dumb lectures on his breed supremacy and shares his stand on the figments of pigments tht trouble his mind. he is a racist. hates gults. abhishek looks like a rickshaw-wala in a dd1 advertisement in need of b-12 vitamins. vns is his usual self with his high decibel levels. nigger touches the edges of paranoia with ramblings on the recent disasters in wsc n cel.
life s back to normal and normal sucks big time.

an alibi

2007-07-17T04:46:00.000-07:00

my march onto a fructuous future has been delayed since prehistoric times by my inability to set my priorties. when we dont wanna do things we ll find a thousand reasons not to do it, but where will u find tht strong self discipline to control ur wavering mind against the strong undercurrents of modern society's intruiging life style activities which my mind is never satiated from. these very lucrative n rather conspicuous desires tht disrupt one's focus r far too powerful and r owerpowering the human psyche. there seems to be no beowulf around for these grendels. our self conscience is waging a lost battle against the fancy world imploding with a slew of gizmos, mouth watering pizzas, raunchy videos,hiphop beats and the list can go on. all these things have the grandest arsenal of all at their disposal and tht is their appeal, their persuasive power to which the youth falls easily.
what makes me wonder whether i am trodding the right path are images from my past which at times come rushing back to me.
i was in 6th standard. i had jst persuaded my mom tht it was high time tht she allowed me to paddle my way to school. on one of the many sweltering afternoons as i was returning back from school along with one of my friends, we decided to take a break and have a coke. so we took a detour and stopped at a shop and while we were having our drinks a lady also came to the shop. she was a middle aged lady carrying a very heavy bag walking around in 45 degrees while we were enjoying our cold drinks. as she was walking by us, she looked at us and at the condensed drops of water on the bottles which seemed to be ironically identical to the sweat on her forehead, she paused. after much thought she turned toward the shop. i looked at her constantly. she looked quite weary. asked me wt was the price of the drink i was holding. 10 i answered .i can still tell how pensive she looked. then she enquired the shopkeeper abt the 5 rs bottles and he said the smaller ones for 6 to which she sharply replied tht amir khan says they r for 5 on television. the shopkeeper told her tht they r still to change the price. she looked at us. i was feeling rather guilty. no doubt she had spoiled my well deserved break. i still couldnt make out wt was is in her bag. after spending some tense moments she asked the shopkeeper whehter he would like a bottle of phenyl. he responded negatively. in one powerful thrust she lifted the bag. each one of us was in a different mood.the shopkeeper cursing her for the alleged dramatics. she left the shop cursing amir khan. i was left high n dry wondering whether to complete my drink or to be soaked in a feeling of guilt and call back the woman and offer to buy her a drink. i decided to call poverty a matter of fates.
till date i m still wondering what should i have done? is it always a matter of fates or is there something for us which might help us win the battle . i think tht fate and destiny are an alibi
a fancy way of denying and distracting us from wts happening now.

frm my scratchpad

2007-07-13T12:36:00.000-07:00

u gotta do wt ya gotta do-

i write bcoz i wanna . u rnt actualy entitled to read this stuff but if u really want to be my guest . but i must warn u tht i m jst a novice , not tht good as a blogger. nor do i have the gift of gab. but still i try to xpress my feelings. nd ofcourse i really want to blog more n more these days . i hav also started to read more.
so i ll jst write wt ever comes to my mind . the next sentence might not even relate to the previous 1. but its not for u . its for me.
i read blink, the google story and m currently devouring made in japan and the life of pie.
i found blink really boring,its abt how snap judgements r the better 1's and left it half way but still u might jst see it on my orkut profile like many other "classics" like the monk who sold his ferrari and the alchemist which were such a pain in the ass. but wt do u know. orkut like many other things is an ego-machine and things like these r the pumping gasoline.
never trust governments. thts 1 lesson learnt.
joseph mengele-the angel of death for the jews in the concentration camps held by nazis
4.5 lakh died in darfur, sudan over the las t 4 yrs
though the govt says it was only 9000 wt a shame.
only 26 phd's came frm the computer science section from the whole of india. where u can find a myriad colleges. colleges springing out of almost every nook n corner of this nation with filthy politics. when i say filthy i mean filthy coz this is a nation which is now ruled by mob. the politics of this naiton is now under the 6th phase according to aristotle . ill surely xplain the cycle to u . i ll hav to google mysef first coz things tend to slip out of my memory unless ofcourse they relate to pecuniary issues. this is a nation where the patriotism is felt only when the coffers of media barons have to b filled by voting for taj which by my way does not even qualify for the 21 list set for voting. firstly it isnt a marverllous structure as we all think it to b.
secondly, the emperor didnt build it on his own wish. not so much for love. his dying wife actually told him to do so. then ofcourse he lavishly spent away millions to idle away his time bored from the mujras and his other 9 wives . yeah i think his other wives must also have died by then. then comes the issue of slavery . he made the great monument of "love" by making slaves and finally chopping of so many hands as another sign of the mughal generousity.

me and my fake world

2007-06-08T02:15:00.000-07:00

hi
u have visited this blog mayb jst to check it out, mayb u could know somethin abt me.
but i bet u dont know nothin abt urself. no one does. we all r here wasting our lives. day after day we do it. y cant we all b just natural? mayb some of u r natural but then i m talkin abt the rest of us .ok.y r we always striving to impress others. always dreaming abt all the good things tht should happen to us.
we can never find bliss in such pathetic way of living. god created us. and we created him. then we lost him. i think the only good thing we can do is b religious.
but tht is the toughest thing in the world. but i hardly think readin this blog helped u in any way.
so thnx for wasting ur valuale time .
fake on!!