choose or lose

sadness grips you by surprise. a simple phone call or just another memory can upset anyone in great amount. one moment you are busy in your mundane activities and the next moment you are deep down your favorite hell hole. then starts the emerging from the grief stage. psychologists say grief/sadness can be divided into five stages . first one is getting isolated and secluded from others. this one is my favorite. on some angry thought you can hold the whole universe as responsible. lyrics of every random slow song sound so perfect and just meant for that sad moment. the rants of the wingies seem so hollow and pointless. i avoid the 'gen' discussions which run late into nights and where we have been talking about the same topics for over an year now. every one is familiar around here. there is actually no sense of unpredictability. thats one disappointing factor of knowing some ppl inside out. u can sense their tones, read their minds, tell what kind of not so uncanny humor is gonna result in the sheer time wasting discussions. nothing learned, nothing gained, no valuable inter cultural, inter religious enriching thoughts exchanged. thats just a sad typical bitsian day point of view.
on any other day when you manage not to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, all those flaneur wingies of yours turn into the ppl with whom you have had the most fun with. but the point is what should we choose?
happy, no tension lives where maybe you dont learn nything but have a good time. maybe i m being too negative. there might be a changing outlook towards life but tht comes with every experience of life. one plus point about this lifestyle is tht u never run out of activity partners which for me is a necessity. i dont know y but i think it is a heriditary thing, my bro also being a victim of it. i need a partner for every meal, i need some one to grace the occasion when i devour the combo of a fruit chat, a samosa and a special chai. maybe i m not a loner. but every partner comes at a cost. u have to be alert for any walking noises in the wing during the prime times and of course one has to swallow gaalis if the future partner is reluctantly sleeping.
as u can see this post has already reached the same depths of boredom as my monotonous life.
so as i drown my wasteful life in the colors of black humor i wish i make the right choice and hope i do it some time soon.
----if u want to listen to an asshole just fart.