halfway between the gutters and the stars

It was another day in jas' 9 to 6 life. He was smiling but he could feel the pang, that it was fading, his smile was fading. Day after day, his heart was sinking. sharing the 3-hk flat in mohali with two other guys who worked in the same mnc, he had started wondering when was the last time he had been unpredictable. When was the last time he had done something out of the way. He feared being normal and dreaded becoming something else. He was aging,already 30, unmarried. His parents had been pursuing him for years now but he just wasn't ready to take the plunge and indulge in any more mundane activities than he found himself already drowned in.
Sitting there in the lounge of his office, he was smiling in a conversation with a team mate but his mind was in fetters, his thoughts confined to the thoughts of the dreams he had once envisioned. Choices that he wanted to make but didn't or rather didn't have the opportunity to make any. He missed his college, missed his friends, missed the late night philosophical conversations but most of all he missed the dreams he had seen during those years, which were the essence of his college life for him. He never wished to live the new age indian dream. Be useful to some one and the life's debt is paid. You make some one's future and your past is forgotten. Thats what he believed. But life had its own set of groundrules.
A financial crisis in his father's company shelved his entrepreneurial plans. A software company hired him and he bailed his family out of the crisis at the cost of his meticulously crafted dreams. The sudden turn of events did not offer him much of a scope to pay off his debts to the society. He was once again stuck with his usual lonely moments, the ones he had been running away from. The moments which only brought gloom along with the effacing blows on his self esteem. It was in these moments that he realised that he always was a failure. He had never been on the top. In his childhood, never the topper. In his competition days, never the success. In his college days, neither the nerd nor the dude. But he was the master of his dreams and he seeked solace through them. He thought that he could be the one who changed the destiny of a few if not many poors and that would have been enough for him. Life though had other plans. "hye jas, your phone's ringing!!where are you?"
"hello, about time that one of us called. huh?. how are you?" it was aneesh, a friend of jas' since college. They hadnt talked for about an year now, ever since aneesh had opened the first branch of his venture. Aneesh had followed the road that jas too wanted to trod and aneesh knew it and he also knew about his will to serve. Thats why he had called. 'I need a favour from you. i want you to help some one. i know that you will want to help this guy out too.' thats all he said and passed on a Chandigarh address. The discussion sparked an anticipation in him. Jas took the local bus to sector 34 the next day. Asking for directions he came closer to his destination. Amidst the rants of vegetable sellers, he asked for a mr. ravi. "Yes?"A middle aged man extended his neck and inquired. His face wrinkles defied his swift moments and the panache in his sharp voice with which he was directing a twenty something guy to control the shop as he was getting ready to leave for somewhere. Jas quickly told him about his reference. With a large lump in his throat, ravi began his side of the story. On the way to the pgi hospital, ravi told him how about half an year ago it had begun with his son fainting at school. How he started complaining about incessesant pains, only to later revealed to be as a kidney failure. They were not comfortably middle class and with the child's condition, they found themselves in a tight spot. After a wait of 3 months , he had been able to gather enough for the kid's operation. Surrounded in debts, he had to sell his larger shop. "His medicines cost us 19000 every month, i have asked each one of my acquaintances, some of them dont even pick my phone any more.With 4 months of medications to go, god bless that kid". Jas understood the gravity of his situation. He could feel the honesty in his tone. Jas promised to help with whatever he could.
2 months and 3 cheques later jas was light headed that he had been able to help some one. The money was not much but enough to pull them through a couple of months. A look in his bank statements swept his thoughts into a whirlpool. The cheques had never been encashed. He confirmed and began wondering about the possible reasons. That evening after work he straight went to ravi's shop only to find it closed. He did not have his home address so he moved towards the next shop. As he uttered the name ravi, the man frowned. With raised eyebrows and a sigh, he told jas that the shop was sold last month by ravi's wife who now worked as a housemaid nearby. " Why? where is ravi now?" . "Ravi died. a bus left his head spluttered all over the road". Jas took their address and left without any word. He was numb enough to say or feel anything. "hye man, your phone is ringing",the person sitting next to him on the bus said. It was his mom, "so when are you going to have a family?"
"i have one now, mom", jas said and switched it off with a faint smile and a twinkle in his eyes, ready for the journey that he always wanted to make.